She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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