Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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