we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
