he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
