Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
