I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
