I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
