Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
