some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
