I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
