it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
