I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
