had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
