Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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