He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
