anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
