She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My hand turned me down
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
