Sponge bath it is.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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