I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
