No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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