worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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