So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
