it's like iHOP with fire
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Send help, water and tortillas.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
