where does the pee come out of this thing
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
