false alarm. still invincible.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
