he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
