My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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