when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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