dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if only i could text you this smell
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
