I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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