They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
