i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
