Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have post one night stand depression
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
