On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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