Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
