FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
