i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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