yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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