I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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