Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
do herpes really smell.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
