i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
