Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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