I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
