Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
