nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
