After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
