I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
