at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
