If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
