he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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