I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
