I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
